How Wonderful is Nancy Redd?

I'LL TELL YOU HOW!

I saw a breakdown in my inbox that said:

"Looking for real college-aged girls of all shapes sizes and ethnicities to be photographed for a health book for teenagers. Plus-sized and thicker Asian, South Asian, Hispanic, Caucasian and African-American girls encouraged to submit. Looking for all body types - pear apple ruler inverted triangle etc. Must be comfortable being photographed in athletic wear. This is a happy wholesome shoot with the goal of showing girls that you can look great and be healthy at all sizes."

*slow clap*

I was SO excited when I read this. Get a job? And NOT compromise the core of my ethos? So I wrote to Nancy--oh, wait, who's Nancy, you say? She is a HARVARD GRAD and a MISS AMERICA SWIMSUIT MODEL WINNER. She also wrote the book we all should have had as teenagers, "Body Drama." I am utterly enamored with her.

I wrote her back, all excited, like, "I'm an inverted triangle! And an actor! And I believe in HAES! And I look 18!"

Long story short, she signed me on, and she is FABULOUS. So sweet and outgoing and unassuming *entirely*. I was unaware of her serious clout before I read the jacket of her book.

We had the shoot...3?...weeks ago, and it was a blast. There WERE all sorts of bodies there, and they were all amazing, and everyone looked SO damn good in those pictures, in all our shapes. And the best part! By far, for me! Was that Nancy insisted that we all wear zero make-up. That's a big thing for me. I hate wearing make-up. I do when I have to, but otherwise I feel like it's a lie, and like...why should women rely on it to feel attractive? Nancy was not about that at all. It was such soul food.

We talked at length about each others' body love journeys, and I think I shared more with her than I've ever shared with ANYONE about my relationship with my body. She received a manifesto by email, and I absolutely hope she quotes me at length in her book. :)

Check her out--she's a FABULOUS ally!

xx

NEW YORK AREA...

Come see an awesome, fat-friendly show on Friday and/or Saturday, 10pm right outside Times Square!




THE FACEBOOK INVITE (with more info)

Maybe I'll actually get to meet some of you?! :D

-Z.

I'm Soooo Bad at this Game.

Oooooof *course* I haven't written since July.

Let's play some catch-up, shall we? First of all:

-I had a GREAT time at my initial auditions for "Fat Camp", and was called back...twice? It was loads of fun and, though I didn't book it, it ended up with freaking Carly Jibson (read: ex-Broadway Tracy from "Hairspray" and Pepper from "Cry Baby") and Josh from "Electric Company"! See the successes of "Fat Camp" HERE--and yes, I am super-hoping to do that show in the future. ;)

-Not sure if I mentioned this eons ago, but I just finished a show playing Kate Smith! She was before MY time (dating myself, here), but I'm sure some of you grown-ups are old enough to at least have your parents or grandparents play her records and watch her shows. What was nice about it was that there was some great 1930s F.A. going on with that gal--and, though most people don't know it, she was never a dieter and never tried to alter herself. Oh, she was tremendously self-conscious and ashamed of her body. But she tried to deal with it and just be who she was and OWN it. I think we can all agree that she did pretty well for herself. :)

So, "Kate" just closed after 2 months, and during that time I also had some pretty fun auditions.

The time is coming, y'all, when there WILL be fat protagonists. Like, not as a hideously weird exception. I can't tell you how many more breakdowns and submissions I'm seeing asking for fat chicks who, yes, sometimes are, but aren't necessarily ALWAYS the butt of the jokes. And I'm totally cool with incorporating the fat-shame of society into stories with fabulous characters who happen to be fat.

*off soapbox*

Seperately, normal(ish) new blog here.

Not so long 'til next time. ;)

<3 Z.

OMG OMG OMG

I just got called in for this...and I am SO EXCITED!

New York Musical Theatre Festival: FAT CAMP

Aaaaaaand....yup. I was totally supposed to go to sleep, like, an hour ago. But the casting director e-mailed me and I've been reading the script and nearly peeing myself. NEWS TO COME! (Promise.)

<3>

Have I Mentioned...

...how much I hate the phrase 'let yourself go'? Another just plain offensive casting notice. Uck!

* NATIONAL: "THE WEIGHT LOSS PROJECT" (MAJOR TV NETWORK)
All USA citizens/adults welcome to submit.
Reality TVRATE: WEEKLY STIPEND + PRIZE FOR WINNER
Shoot: 7-10 week shoot in Los Angeles
A MAJOR TV NETWORK IS CASTING A NEW WEIGHT LOSS SHOW!SEEKING:[MEN AND WOMEN] Approx ages 25-50 yrs - ANY ETHNICITY - WHO ARE APPROX30-50 LBS OVERWEIGHT & ARE READY TO GET BACK THE BODY THEY USED TOHAVE! WE'LL SUPPLY THE TRAINER & NUTRITIONIST, YOU SUPPLY THE WILL TOSHED THE POUNDS.
We're you once turning heads, but have since letyourself go? Especially seeking former beauty queens, athletes, rockstars, models &/or PEOPLE WITH COMPELLING STORIES.
NOTE: If you are right for this, please respond asap! We'll get yoursubmission to our Casting Producers & set up individual interviews.
WE'RE ALSO HOSTING AN OPEN CALL in NYC (Weight Loss show):
When / Where: SAT, AUGUST 1 from 4 - 8pm at Galway Hooker, 1 E. 36thSt, NY, NY 10016 (b/w 5th & Madison). Bring two photos. One of you atyour ''best'' & one of you now.

"At your best"? PLEASE.

Psycho Beach Party

'Sphere! How I've missed you!

I've been running around like crazy with the new show I just opened, PSYCHO BEACH PARTY at The Theater Project (Cranford, NJ). In it, I play Berdine, the uber-geeky best friend (and closet ninja) of the show.

I wanted to blog about it not only because it's an INCREDIBLE show that I really, really want all you NJ- and NY-ers to see, but also because it hits on a blip that I covered in my interview back in April (and that we always cover) the 'best friends' and 'geeks' of movies, plays, etc., always being done by the fats instead of the un-fats.

Berdine is ridiculously geeky and pathetically sun-phobic (uh oh, we're hitting a little too close to home here). However, what I have blessedly noticed over the past opening weekend is that she's also the audience favorite, and I've been described as playing her with "charm and gumption."

Berdine ends up having loads of humor that's more situational than self-deprecating, and even though she's the best friend, she's also delightful and stands with pride and dignity in her own right.

Of course, all this pathos isn't necessary for this 1960s parody of "Gidget"--it's just plain fun! For anyone who's local, please see if you can make this show. It's a splash!

<3 Z.

http://www.thetheaterproject.org/

PSYCHO BEACH PARTY: Facebook Event

The Sky is Falling!

Hey FOSers! I've been out recently because, well, life is insane and I've actually been booked through October. Soooo that's awesome. But I have a super-touching story for you.

So I did a show with this company last year, and it was fantastic and original and I loved every waking moment of it. This company is Art House Productions, in Jersey City, and I adore them. I had an incredible experience and am kinda sad to say that I didn't see them for almost a year until this 'happening.'

So, the director of my show last year (Jack Halpin, director of "Sea Story") e-mails me over Memorial Day Weekend and says, "Hey Jen, we're doing a staged reading of this play and we just thought you'd be perfect as the lead. Are you available?"

My jaw kinda dropped, because while I know they love me as much as I love them, I was still a little surprised that they'd consider me for a leading lady. Of course, I was even MORE surprised when I found that the lead was supposed to be a sultry, manipulative and sex-kitteny woman cheating on her husband. Um, really? You really thought of ME for this? (This isn't meant to be like I'm offended, it's meant to be ridiculously honored.)

So I moved the earth and moon and stars to do this reading, and I actually (were the play done proper) would have been a character with a LOVE INTEREST! Imagine that! And he's an adonis! And there's kissing, and sexiness, and everything! The experience was such a thrill for me, because I never get to do this stuff onstage. Of course, I'm the Mrs. Lovett or the best friend--which I adore, but it was really, really cool being the sexy, wanted leading lady. REALLY cool.

And, the best part is, it wasn't just cool for me. The reading was last night, and the audience response was INCREDIBLE. All these people from different theatre companies were coming up to me and saying, "Oh, you were so perfect! You just absolutely nailed it! You should do this as a full-out production!"

--and I was like, "Man...they actually BOUGHT it! They BOUGHT that the fat girl was the sex object!" In fact, I think that's exactly what I said to my darling man, word-for-word.

I *hope* that this is the kind of experience that all fat actors/actresses get at one time or another. Not just reading to yourself, not just in scene class, but actually PERFORMING as the love interest. It was so incredibly empowering, and I felt like I broke down walls last night. For my perceptions, for others'...just, WOW. :)

-Z.

I'm an (Internet) Star! :D

One of my favorite industry ladies, the lovely Jennifer Jonassen, has honored me with one of her coveted interviews for Plus-Size Model Mag! How coveted? Well, she's interviewed Joy Nash, Carson Kressley, Marissa Jaret-Winokur... So I'm INSANELY honored!

(And, no, this is not an April Fools'. But I do need to come up with a real zinger for today.)

My Interview!

<3 Z.

Lovable Fatties on TV?!

(NOTE: I think this is possibly the show "More to Love"? Not sure if they're the same, or if this is its competition this season...)

BIG HEARTS
Reality TV
NON-UNION


Casting Director: Doron Ofir
Interview Dates: TBD
Shoot/Start Date: May
Pay Rate: none
Location: Los Angeles

SUBMIT ELECTRONICALLY

NOTE: ALSO INCLUDE PERFORMANCE VIDEOS OR ACTOR SLATES IF AVAILABLE. DO NOT SEND DEMO TAPES.

From the Executive Producers of "The Bachelor" . . .

Finally, a relationship show for real people. Real women. Real sizes. Real love. It's about time!

Are you confident, voluptuous and genuinely looking for love? Our landmark television series aims to prove that the only size that matters is the size of your heart.

In this romantic competition of love and seduction, one big and beautiful woman will become the envy of all others and attain the love of a lifetime.

A Major Television Network has heard your plea and is ready to help.

Doron Ofir Casting is currently casting REAL women who are curvy, beautiful, sexy, at least the age of 25 and appear under 33 who are ready to be introduced to their soul mate.

[ SINGLE FULL FIGURED/PLUS SIZE WOMEN ]
Lead / All Ethnicities / 21-35
Beautiful Single REAL women who are curvy, sexy, sizes 12 - 18 and and all others welcome who are ready to be introduced to their soul mate.


Synopsis: A Groundbreaking Prime-Time long-form Reality Romance Series for Beautiful Full Figured Women.


What do y'all think?

<3 Z.

My Play Needs Your Help!

Hello, zaftig, juicy readers! As previously mentioned, I am feverishly working on my one-woman play all about a.) being fat and b.) being a fat actor. What I would really like to do is infuse the play with some GREAT fat facts that debunk things, like facts posted by Kate & Co. at Shapely Prose, or on Sandy's Junk Food Science.

So....what are YOUR favorite fat-positive facts? Those that have to do with "The Obesity Crisis" (particularly bunko childhood obesity statistics) and actual health benefits will be the BEST!

<3 Zaftige

The Magical TV Debut!

Hey y'all!

So, I've been so busy popping my STARRING TV role to all my buddies, and I knew I was forgetting something...of course! The Fat-o-Sphere!

This is the job about which I spoke last summer, where I was a bride. So, very little commentary, let's get to the good stuff:

www.abcnews.go.com/whatwouldyoudo Click on "Momzilla"!

(PS- If you watched "What Would You Do?" this past Tuesday night, you're already a step ahead!)

PLEASE let me know what you think!

<3 Z.

Planned Douche-hood

Hello all my FOS lovies! My apologies for having blipped out for a while...I haven't had much news, so I stayed low-key.

However: Exciting news! My embryonic one-woman show, which I was sure I wanted to be about fat, finally came to me the other morning at asscrack-o-clock in the shower. I was so inspired that I recorded all my jumbled thoughts on a digital voice recorder and plan to start the writing post haste. It has begun!

That leads me to today...which will surely have a place in the show.

So, thankfully, no one has outright told me to lose weight since my last asshole boyfriend nearly 4 years ago. (Besides myself, of course.) No other parties have been involved.

However, 3 months ago, I started my first birth control pills...mainly because I'd had my period for 2 months straight, and I was so irregular it was ridiculous. So I bought a few packs from my local Planned Parenthood. Before doing so, I had a whole checkup (and completely traumatic pelvic exam...another story, another time), including weighing myself. It was the first time I'd stepped on a scale since...oh, probably 2006, and I was kinda surprised that the number was 219. Last time I'd been on a scale it was ~185/190, and so I assumed that I was pretty much the same, because my clothes sizes have only gone up by small increments. Anyway, thank G-d I'm now a Fat Warrior, because seeing that number would have made me duct tape my mouth shut many moons ago.

Anyway!

So, when I went to this godforsaken PP in December, I was 219. Fine. My BP has always been fantastic, and I was told (of course) that after 3 months of pills, I'd need a check-up to make sure my health wasn't taking a nosedive.

I went in today to do sed checkup. The first thing the uppity nurse did was weigh me, and lo and behold, what is it? 224. The look that that woman gave me made me want to punch her teeth out. She pulled me into another room and took my BP, where she said, "Hold on, let me get the *other* cuff for you, so you'll be more comfortable." So she brings in the Fatty-Fatty-Fat-Fat cuff for me, which is attached to the most antiquated machine I have ever seen. She takes my BP: 120/70. Last time it was 110/70, but this number is still good. (I am hoping it stays that way, because these pills are making my sexual and reproductive life MUCH more pleasant.)

Then the bitch is like, "Oh, well, 5 pounds...that's quite a bit." (O Rly?) "You'll just have to watch all that fatty stuff and junk food!" *surreptitious wink*

Excuse me? Why are you winking at me? I am in on NOTHING with you, lady.

Then, bitch sends me to a *second* nurse. I'm not sure exactly what I'll be needing from her, but apparently it's *counseling* on my fat!

Now, I don't have to explain or defend what I choose to eat to anyone. I will say, just for the sake of the story, that I usually am a very heavy grains/fruit/veg eater, with dairy coming in right afterwards. I get lots of produce and I love it. Over the past couple of months, most of what I've eaten has been restaurants and fast food, so this MAY play in as a factor. Regardless, it ain't nothin' I have to VALIDATE to ANYONE.

*ahem*

So, this second nurse sees me come in, and she says, "So. Are we dieting and exercising?"

Before I ripped her a new one for indicating that I should diet, I calmly said, "I eat well and I walk a lot." (This has not been terribly true recently, but the last thing I'm going to do is provoke her.) She looked at me dubiously and I said, rather smugly, "I'm naturally fat."

She--like Nurse 1--says, "Mmm, well, you've already gained 5 pounds. Try to really be careful, we don't want that to keep going up!" At this point, she smiles and tries to gather me into this little chick-tete-a-tete we're having. I do not smile.

Am I *happy* that I gained 5 pounds? Not particularly. Am I upset that I did? Well, only because these nurses had the nerve to indicate that it was bad for me, despite my STELLAR (yes, STELLAR) health history.

I had not weighed myself for years because I used to be consumed with it. On top of that, if my clothes fit, I assume that I'm holding steady. If they don't, I assume that I'm gaining/losing. It's pretty simple. And I try not to care either way.

Well, guess what, bitches? My clothes that fit in December still fit now. Yes, a considerable portion of my food intake is currently coming from Chili's and Zaro's, but that is none of your business and entirely mine to feel *utterly* fine with.

LORD it took so much energy to keep from wringing their necks! I would have loved to lay them out with my F.A., but I've been off the feed for a while, so my F.A. trivia is running a little low.

Anyway, this has mainly been a ramble, but yeah: the first time the medical industry has approached me about my body in years, and YES: I am MAD AS HELL.

See you in my play, motherfuckers!

-Zaftige

HOLY CRAP! I'm a CALENDAR GIRL!

I never thought I'd live to see the day. ;) I'm hoping for lots-o-fun news in entertainment soon, but for now, the ever-wonderful Substantia of Adipositivity has created a 2009 wall calendar of the hottest chicks I've ever seen. Some of my FAVORITE pictures of the project are in there, and as a little cherry on top for me, I'm Miss December!

So go out to CafePress and get all your adorable, beautiful, adipose, body-lovin' selves a calendar that actually reinforces our entire FA lifestyle. :)

U buy dems heer peez

-Zaftige

Oh WOW...it's HAPPENED!

Less than an hour ago, we were told that Barack Obama was officially the newest president of the US.

I did not enjoy Obama through the primaries...I thought he was pompous and short and unkind. I felt that Hillary played the primaries VERY well and I wanted her to win by leaps and bounds over him.

When he won, I was definitely not pleased, and I was certainly on the fence right on through the conventions. Like most of us, once McCain chose Palin, that was really the beginning of my big doubt for McCain. As Obama moved forward with the campaign, I saw him making smart, wise choices; I heard him making deep and well-crafted plans for our nation. I was growing a respect for a man who was becoming increasingly likeable, and definitely more viable in my eyes (and sadly for McCain, his ship has been sinking for months...).

When Obama was named 44th President tonight, I finally got what I had so badly desired 4 years ago when I PRAYED for a Kerry victory. I feel proud, glowing, happy and--most of all--HOPEFUL.

I certainly pray that Obama will turn us around and take us into the dreams he's introduced us to. But for now, I am reveling in my Hope. :)

All you Chicago lovelies, I hope you are proud of your landsman!

-Zaftige

Booty-Grindin' Music Videos: An Improvement!

Hello FOS! I'm sorry I've been remiss. I haven't had a whole lot to write about lately. Most of what's been on my mind is undoubtedly been on everyone's mind--the election, and preparing for (what I have a hunch will be) a significant depression. The good news is that for us starving actors, our biz is booming when the rest of society's hurting. I'm not worried too much about getting work...just how I'll get by *until* I get work.

That said! I just booked a fun gig last week; my first music video. It was a pretty fun job! Considering that friends of mine have had horror stories from working on rappers' videos like 50Cent and Chingy, I was relieved to be working with the Jason Mraz of the UK, Julian Velard.

What was SUPERCOOL about this was that the premise of the video was that these women couldn't help stopping to kiss him on the street. And I as one of those women, a 'Kisser.' I was so...DELIGHTED to see that ALL the actresses were either NOT 'TV-thin' or NOT 'media-Hot.' And, of course, everyone there was lovely and beautiful (in actual real world life), and there were even a big handful of fat and chubby gals! I thought it was really, really excellent that this guy (or even his manager, I really don't care who) was choosing actual normal-looking women to court him in his video.

And his music's pretty swell, too! ;)

-Zaftige

Jenny, Don't Change that Number!

My darling and future co-queen Jennifer Jonassen has not one, but *2* new fabulous articles in Plus Model Magazine.

The FOS had been buzzing a while about Carson Kressley's new Lifetime series, "How To Look Good Naked," and there was some super-positivity and some meh-ness across the board. I myself waffle, and am simultaneously "YAY body-love!" and "No! Makeover!". However, in this latest issue, Queen Jen interviews him, and I think it's really lovely that, no matter how you feel about him, he's true to the idea of body love. Read that magnificence HERE.

ALSO, for those of us who are play-happy, you may be familiar with Niel LaBute's play a few years ago, "Fat Pig." GREAT, GREAT story, and one of the only ones that creates a likeable, smart, funny and fat romantic lead character. The problem is that the man who falls in love with her has also fallen prey to his asshole friends. It's so intimate, and such a beautiful love story--while my broke ass couldn't see it when it was in NY, perhaps you Californians could be lucky enough to catch this dish in San Diego.

Weekend goodies!

-Zaftige

Weighty Issues in Entertainment

The universe is desperately trying to balance out the RIDONK sexist barrage of news re: Sarah Palin (in every single manner...pro-her, anti-her, etc.), which has made me vomitous all week. I have way too much vaytik over what will be going down over the next 2 months!

Anyway! The balance is this: As per my last post, questions of weight and its role in casting are beginning to surface in the acting world. This doesn't seem to be addressed by fatties, but by middlies (in the acting world, anyway)--size 6 and 8. Bonnie Gillespie gave a GREAT feedback last week, and this week, Backstage's columnist Jackie Apodaca writes more about it: Matters of Size.

It's not shielding--it's blunt and direct, and gives a pretty sad (but truthful) look at the standards. And, while it's true that there's *not* many roles for fat chicks, when they're around, I'm a true contender. But for all the skinny roles? I'm sorry, but 6 is apparently not skinny enough.

In other good news? I'm watching "House" for the first time in my life, and it just happens to be the Season 1 episode, "Heavy," which is ALL about mis-diagnosing fat people because, um, well, they're fat. It's not perfect, but it DOES have the message that we send of: HEALTH PROBLEMS ARE NOT EQUAL TO FAT PROBLEMS! *and* it has some nice FA-stuffs thrown in by a fat patient, who is quite comfortable with her body, thankyouverymuch. And she shuts House up when he tries to make fat jokes! p0wnd.

Little vittles for y'all. :)

-Zaftige

Teh Fattiez: +1

Good news!

One of my FAVORITE career bloggers, the casting director Bonnie Gillespie, writes a column called "The Actor's Voice." She posts every Monday and it's a blog that I read religiously.

She has touched on body image only a few times, and is very honest and open about there being roles for EVERY type--and there are some major types who can be/are frequently cast as being fat. Her advice (which is 100% on the money) is to KNOW your type and GO for it 3000%!

This said...she will still get e-mails, usually from "green" actors (read: inexperienced) who ask her, "Should I lose weight to do movies and TV? Don't I have to be skinny to be on TV?"

This is the first column I've read which expressly addresses just that, and she does it beautifully--putting in a lot of info that's sympatico with body image, fat acceptance and HAES. I am so happy! Read her glory HERE.

I e-mailed her my congratulations:

"Dear Bonnie,

THANK YOU for your fantastic column on size and body image in the entertainment industry. As a fat actress, I know how it feels when people look at me dubiously when I say I'm an actor--what, do they think everyone is supposed to be a starlet? I also know how scary and internalized it is for people of size--and it's so important for people to understand that acting is not equivalent to thinness. Thank you for your insight--I am sure you will positively affect MANY of your readers!

Fondly,
Jen
--
Juicy Acting!
http://thezaftigthespian.blogspot.com"

She replied:

"Thanks, Jen. :) It was a fun column for me. I'm glad you enjoyed ittoo. Being comfortable in your skin is really all that matters, whenit comes down to it, right? :)
Keep rockin'!"

Nice to have another ace up our sleeve, eh? ;-)

-Zaftige

'Real' Women?

Reebok is casting.....


SEEKING:

[ FEMALES ]THE LOOK: WE WANT ALL TYPES OF BEAUTIFUL ATHLETIC HEALTHY WOMEN WHO ARE BELIEVABLE!! AGES 20-30. SIZE 4/6. NO ONE TOO SKINNY! REAL GIRLS AND MODELS ARE REQUESTED. THE TYPES MUST BE AUTHENTIC AND SPECIFIC AS LISTED.

Size 4/6, not "too skinny," "real girls" requested. Gotcha.

A.) Implying that ANY woman--be she size 0 or size 30--might not be 'real.'
B.) Implying that there is a 'too skinny'--which is, quite frankly, offensive to our thinner sisters.
C.) Implying that real women are only valid as a 4 or 6.

Hmm. Well, this is why the entertainment industry is not subject to the rules, regulations and employment laws of the rest of the world.

But...is it "progress" that they're asking for someone as a size 6 and not a size 2? (Probably not. But just a thought.)

-Zaftige

Perfect Timing

(This was written on Wednesday....oops!)

Ohmylord, after the INCREDIBLE sharing thread at SP (have you read it?!), the events of today were staggering.

My bestest friend ever and I took today to go to Coney Island. She's fat; on the slim side of fat, but she's probably a 14? I can't really tell. ANYWAY. She's still a chubby love. It was her first time and she was SO excited. She is not as top-heavy as I am, but she's got quite a rack nonetheless; I was wearing a one-piece bathing suit and she was wearing a tankini.

After our time on the beach and swimming, when we walked around, I put a shirt over my bathing suit and she just wore the tankini--because it is her every freaking right to do so. You wouldn't have thought that, though, hearing the men around us. We (she?) was catcalled at A MINIMUM OF 10 TIMES in just an hour or two. This was the most catcalling that either she or I had *ever* experienced, and thankfully none of it was "negative." She's VERY insecure about her body (which, yes, I'm working on) and I think she would have gone into a major tailspin.

We were confronted by SO many men, the majority of which were (I think) pinpointing her. Some undoubtedly thought they were being nice.
Some were just sleazy... "HEY BABY! YOU REAL CUTE!"
.....some were relatively tame... "HELLO GORGEOUS! I LOVE YOU!"
...and some were fucking TERRIBLE--men blatantly interrupting the fact that we were conversing, saying, "HEY! HEY! COME BACK HERE! I'M TALKING TO YOU!"

I can't even tell you the kind of shit going through my mind. The problem is, while I've gotten tougher over the years, my BFF has gotten softer. She is wont to respond to catcalling with a smile or a "thank you," because of course it's a 'compliment' and she appreciates it. So unlike me, who walks stoically through the streets and ignores everyone, she will put out the good vibes...which can invite unwanted advances.

Unfortunately, her smiles and 'thank you's culminated in some creepy, leering drunk man following us (I noticed he started after observing that she responded positively to some creep). I am WAY not saying this is her fault! I'm just saying that that's probably what legitimized it in the man's mind. Any way, he started following us while leering. I noticed this and grabbed her and we hurried ahead. HE FOLLOWED MORE QUICKLY. We had to nearly gallop towards the boardwalk (we were, at the time, in a pretty deserted thoroughfare--thanks, C.I., for the abandoned construction sites) to get ahead of him and shoot into a dark bar.

I stuck my head out to see if he'd seen us, and I saw him waiting for us and looking around RIGHT outside the bar. Thankfully, the bartender saw that we were anxious and offered us a way out through the back. We escaped the guy.

I kinda took this in stride. As per my story in that above post, I've had my share of creepy followers and threatening situations. My hyper-sensitivity to these sorts of encounters helped, too, since I was really on-guard and riled up from everyone's horror stories. However, it REALLY shook up my BFF. She's been so nice to everyone, and thankfully never experienced anything like this until now. She was very upset, and was definitely blaming herself. I said, "NO! This is NOT your fault, and it never will be! These people are not INVITED to comment on you or invade your space--you can wear whatever you want, and you can still be a nice person. You are NOT the guilty one here." I think I made an impression on her, but it was still so upsetting to see her taking the 'guilty victim' ideology, here.

I suppose the timing couldn't have been better, though--I was able to pull stories from all the brave souls in the FOS, and give her a sense of what catcalling REALLY is. It is not a compliment--and I feel badly for the men who honestly mean it to be nice, and not predatory. It is unsolicited behavior that comments on our bodies being public property. I hope this scary situation--and the stories of all of you--keeps her on her guard for the future.

-Zaftige