I don't believe I informed y'all, but that big movie I auditioned for? I was asked for a callback. I found that out last week amid much squee-age, and I felt great because the audition went REALLY well--sometimes an audition feels excellent and there's no dice, and sometimes you wonder HOW you pulled something off. It's just wacky like that. Anyway, this time, we were synched! Awesome!
I just had my callback today, for that role of the 16-year old shameful fatty. As I was not only meeting with one casting director but *2*, AND with the actual director of the film, I wanted to center myself and sorta get in the zone. I used my excess time beforehand in a health food smoothie place that made me feel a slight visceral twinge of self-awareness, since everyone in there equated their health nut zealousness with the absence of fat. But I was still 'neath my cloak of "Fuck It."
What can I do? Surely I can't browse Shapely Prose--that will only make me feel more at peace with myself. I decided to give myself a large helping of Sanity Watchers points and googled "Fat + disgusting + gross." I got a bunch of sites telling us how ugly we are and what a blight we are on society...and I was trying so hard to get upset and shameful about it, but I just couldn't. I have so *positively* brainwashed myself that even Maddox cannot make me feel unattractive!
As I'm an actor anyway, it really didn't matter how *I* was feeling. I translated the problems of fatties everywhere (and problems I had only until a year or so ago, if that) onto poor Chowhound. The casting team responded REALLY well. And now, we let this go. If it happens, it happens--if it doesn't, I still made a damn good impression as the fantastic fat girl.